


A Farce and it's Quake

by orphan_account



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Death, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Knifeplay, M/M, Pain, Personification of Death, Punishment, Redemption, Regret, Repressed Memories, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Shame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-02
Updated: 2017-02-02
Packaged: 2018-09-21 11:24:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9547076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: He has everything. Defacto Admiral. Director. Master manipulator and strategist.And yet it seems forgiveness is what he needs above all. Forgiveness from the man he broke.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Notice:  
> This story is mostly metaphorical. And a lot of things in this story are deliberate, so keep an eye out for that.
> 
> And sorry if my stories seem rushed and in a hurry to be writtenv- I have a ton sitting in my Google Docs waiting to be posted.

Orson Krennic was never keen on remembrance.

 

But sometimes...the choices weren't his.

_Stop, stop! Krennic, stop. It was me. It was me. They have nothing to do with it. Spare them._

Krennic shook in his chair and ran a gloved hand across the edge of the desk, his posture calm and his feelings composed. Or so it would seem.

_Fire!_

The sound of his own voice, so twisted and lost with rage scared the Director into a bout of shivering. He wasn't at all cold. The hurt on Galen's pain was enough to jar him out of existence. But he continued on, hurt himself by Galen's almost unexpected betrayal.

_Jedha. Saw Gerrera. His band of fanatics. Their Holy City. The last reminder of the Jedi. Gone._

Oh, was it enough to bring out the inner creature, feeding off the fear and anger of his lover? Or did it only succeed on quelling a temporary flame that was there only to secure and not to destroy?

_You'll never win._

Krennic squeezed his eyes shut, remembering the storm of pain in his mind. I betrayed him. He betrayed me.I could have stopped, why didn't I stop? Why...why? Why didn't I just bring him to my ship?

_Now where have I heard that before?_

Then would be the perfect time to just issue the order. Drag him onto his ship. Be angry later.

 

Kick him. Punch him. Kiss him. Fuck him.

Krennic never, ever wanted to remember this ever again. He heard the alliance bombs strike, and then there was his friend. Erso's eyes bore the marks left by the gaze of death. And his own troopers forced him onto the ship for evacuation. He wanted to die, then. He wanted to lay down next to Galen and stare into Death's eyes with enough ferocity to burn it inside out.

But no, Death would not come in the form of breathing the same stale, ashen air that was so damnably consumed by the stench of death and Death. At that, Orson chuckled, his voice thick and very sane.

Death and death were different. Galen had died. In that same moment, Krennic had Died. 

With a long sigh, Krennic removed his right glove ever-so-slowly. The hand was...just a hand. But it was the one who struck Galen Erso down, and the feeling of that began to erode at the calluses. His hand tingled once more, little bolts of lightning striking him as punishment for his crimes. For what he did to the man he loved. 

_Zeus._

He could hear the voice of his mother as they retrieved folk tales from an ancient culture too barbaric and too civilized for it's time. 

_The God of Thunder._

Krennic let his left slide down to grasp at a knife that was sitting on his desk. That knife would no longer be a virgin. Instead, it would have blood on it's blade and that was pain. 

_The King of the Gods._

He gasped only a little bit as the knife bit into his flesh opening a road for the red river to flow. Krennic's pupils shrunk in pain, but it served as a reminder. A reminder of his many failures. A change to admit to himself...

_Oh God, I killed his wife._

In his own desperation for companionship and assistance, he had ruined the family he treasured most. Galen Erso was never his. His heart belonged to the woman named Lyra Erso and he refused to see it. He tried to force...to manipulate...

_I threatened his daughter._

The when the tip of the knife was now half way down his palm, he remembered Jyn Erso. Her ever golden smile and wispy hair. He betrayed her too: he killed her mother, took her father, and hunted her.

This wasn't just a punishment - it was acceptance. It was a way of seeing his ways to right his wrongs. And he wanted this to change, although taking it was difficult.

 

Krennic began shaking again as the knife almost finished it's journey, too slow and too hard. He could feel real pain now as his mind screamed orders to his body to heal this wound that was not quite shallow and not quite deep. His flesh tried to begin mending around the cool steel, and the corrosion almost elicited a scream of pain that he was sure no one would hear.

When the knife finished it's murderous path, the red began to flow freely without the silver impediment. The stream twisted, grasping at it's new surroundings, and Krennic watched as the stream became a river and then an ocean. 

The pain was beginning to be too great to bear, but he didn't reach for the bacta gel and patches that sat in his drawer. This was, after all a punishment. Tomorrow morning, he would heal his wounds. Tonight? He would wear it as a badge of shame. Instead, with incredible self control, he reached for the roll if elastic bandages right behind the bacta. He brought his injured hand to the sink and began washing it out and laying the bandage on it. 

With his injured hand, he grabbed a wet towel and hissed as he cleaned up the bloody mess he made on his own chair and table. 

_Galen, I am so, so sorry._

The job finished, he climbed into bed, a look on his face that was not quite satisfaction but not quite resentment. His eyes remained open, but he knew sleep would take him soon. So he stared at the ceiling and traced the cracks with his eyes that were too blue but too red.

_Galen, please forgive me. If you can hear me...I. Am. Sorry._

Krennic closed his exhausted eyes, waiting as his eyes slipped shut and yanked him into the realm of dreams and a special place that seemed to be the only place his mind would recognize - Eadu.

 

Something Else seemed to breathe into his ear,  _I forgive, my love._

 

 


End file.
